When your child asks you about SEX

"Daddy, what is sex?", the million dollar question that haunts many parents with the fear that a wrong answer will dictate a wrong course of a child's future.

No loving parent will be able to avoid this question.  Avoiding it instead of preparing for it is actually dangerous for the innocent child. The moment you say, "You're too young to know about SEX", already shows you are avoiding it. Unfortunately for our current times, we cannot hide "SEX". A child will see it everywhere. It doesn't have to be a naked person having actual intercourse with the opposite sex. A provocative picture seen in a large billboard, a television commercial of a lady asking her partner where his condom is, a passionate kissing scene in a movie, there is just one too many.  Couple that with their young curiosity is a recipe to problems dead ahead.




My answer?

I first attack it biologically. Nope, not that usual "God will have a stork bring a baby" story nor the way our biology teacher would explain sex.  I did it by saying, "When you love a person, you express it in many ways. You may hug that person, kiss that person or do things that you will discover later on. The more important thing is if you are ready with the consequence your actions may have", I said.  My son paused and thought, "What consequences, Dad".

Now hear comes inserting Reality. I said, "Well, if you get somebody pregnant for example, you will have to work and do so many sacrifices for your baby. You might have to stop studying, get a low paying job and lose all the things you will not be able to do when you have such responsibilities.  Like Daddy for example! I can't just buy anything now for myself like I used to when I was younger. This is because I have your studies to think of, the things you need, the things you want and so many other things that I have to provide for the family. Question is - Are you ready for that?". He replied, "Oh no, Dad! I don't like to do that. I want to enjoy my life."

It went to a point of telling my son some mistakes our young relatives have done. I made him how they are now dealing with the consequence of early pregnancy. I told him how hard it can be for them. "Look, you come home, study, watch television, play outside and talk with your friends - things you love to do.  What if you suddenly cannot do that? What if you have to start doing things that are for someone else instead?". My son's surprising reply, "Oh, it's the end of the world for me!".

Your child or children will need so much guidance today with all the exposure of "unsafe sex".  The lack of information they get and the wrong information they will get will make it worse. This fear that I am magnifying is actually geared to us - not to them.  They are too young to think about the consequences of SEX. A kiss will seem so likable even addictive. Then one thing can lead to another.  The best we can do is get involved. I don't mean run their lives. I mean know their friends. Know what they do when they are outside. Know what they need to know because if we don't, they might get wrong answers from the wrong people.

I just hope that my son will be able to handle himself well when he gets to that age or situation. I know that I will never be there with him every second of his life. So for now, my wife and I have to guide him well. The amount of guidance needed is infinite. You do not have to make things sound like a sermon.That's the worse thing you can do. The best thing for your child is BE THEIR BEST FRIEND. Talk with them and go down to their level because they will not understand the height of yours! Be a child for a while. Appreciate their childish wants, their logic, their imagination. And maybe if you are lucky, your son or daughter will open up to you the way he/she opens up to his/her friends. He/she will ask you questions that are too delicate to be answered by someone who loves them less.

You may have a different view or even way of doing things. But the only thing that assures me as I write this blog is we all love our children so much more than ourselves.  We do want the best for them.  How we wish we have all the write answers, do we?

SEX, as many say, is best with LOVE.  Telling your children the facts of SEX also requires the fact that you will make them feel your love for them by guiding them well.